Sadness. Emptiness. Anticipation. A little depression. Melancholy. Freedom. Pride. Satisfaction. Excitement. A hole in my heart. A space where there should be something. An expectation of footsteps that never come….
Only a few of the many descriptors I could use to describe what it feels like to have my youngest leave home for her first year at college. Knowing well that even though there will be regular and frequent visits home it will never be quite the same again.
A season has passed. A new season is beginning. Each brings its own beauty, its own special magic but always we remember the one before and anticipate its return. With the cycle of children it seems like each season ends never to return except in our hearts, in our memories, in the photo albums gathering dust in the cabinet.
Somewhere deep inside I know that this is the view from a small perspective. In the eyes of the universe the season of children begins again with the next generation who will be born and grow and move on just as mine have done. And then my children will be the ones experiencing all the emotions of joy and sadness, pride and loss, freedom and emptiness that I feel at this moment.
The four-leggeds still look to the door for her arrival. The wise old cat sits in her room when I return home from moving her into her dorm. He is alert when I walk in. Welcoming, questioning? I am not sure if he is there to comfort his own sense of loss or if he is there for me when I need him once again. Saving me from entering a room that is empty. He is often like that. Knowing somehow when he is needed the most.
Reflections on Life
